Healthy Relationships Activity Feb 20, 2020

We had the opportunity to hear from two of the MFT Ph.D. students Jessica Barboza and Andres Brown on how to create, improve, and foster healthy relationships. They started the night allowing those present to ask questions about the profession or schooling. One of the things brought up was how to deal with and even avoid the infamous burn-out many of those in the helping fields face. They talked about having a good support system, going to people both inside and outside the profession for help. They also talked about how it is a very individualized thing, therefore there is no one answer fits all. They also addressed how important self-care is, and that the client's problem are not your problems. So you should not take it upon yourself to literally step into their shoes. 

The started off the evening by defining healthy as meaningful. They talked about how healthy is kind of loose term, but the relationships we all strive to have meaning and fulfillment. 
They started with questions that prompted discussion. 

• What distinguishes a meaningful relationship from others? 
• What aspects make love so meaningful and profound?

They went over how relationships are complex things, with many influences. Most of us would agree that relationships give so much meaning to life, but they are not easy. 

The talked about the first kind of relationship we experience that being between a child and a caregiver. This is called attachment. It is that bond created. It should be one filled with trust dependability, as well as safety and security. They also talked about the concept of adult attachment, these attachments are formed throughout life and help us to feel safe and give us a sense of belonging. We attune to our partner's needs through deepening bonds and connections. 
Relationships require both parties to be vulnerable, it is also important to cultivate a strong base. This way both partners feel secure and trusting of the other. Attachment is an ongoing and reciprocal process, it is comprised of being attuned and then expression. Seeing the needs, then meeting those needs. 
They then talked about aspects of love, there are many different kinds of love. 
They shared the four types of love from C.S Lewis, using a similar diagram. 

• Affection/Storge is a need-based love. Needs can be conflicting. 
• Friendship/Philia is a shared sense of ideas and interests. shared uniqueness does not have to be the same. 
• Romantic/Eros is a desire based on love and intimate connection. Giving all of one's mind, body and soul as well as past, present and future. 
• Charity/Agape is a gift based love. While the other three are reciprocal this love is not. It is service and love without expectation of return. Even when someone may be undeserving. This love also requires boundaries to be set. We can love with charity while also setting limits for inappropriate behavior. 

Let us know your ideas of meaningful relationships, feel free to comment below!!